I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
Contrary to the BS Folgers has been feeding us for years, the best part of waking up is actually going back to sleep.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
I downloaded a song illegally in Jamaica. Now I'm a Pirate of the Caribbean.
When people go underwater in movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived in that situation. I almost died during Finding Nemo!
I went to the bookstore the other day to buy a "Where's Waldo" book, but I couldn't find one anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
They say you've got to spend money to make money. Feel like there's some middle step I've been missing?
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol IS a solution...
The Hangover Part 3? Seriously, how many hangovers do these guys need to have before they realize that they need to stop inviting Alan to parties??
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy bacon, and that's pretty damn close.
Why is it that when there are a million interesting places on Google Earth, the first thing people do is look for their house?
Dear banks with pens chained to counter,
We trust you with our money, but you don't trust us with your pens...
India vs England cricket, India needs 326 to win. End up with 316. Of course, India fall short by 'Ten'dulkar!